Trauma Bonding

You may have wondered why you, or someone you care about, has stayed in a situation where there is abuse, manipulation, or exploitation. It can be even more difficult to understand when violence and physical force aren’t being used to keep someone stuck in a bad relationship, situation, or job. The truth is, it is often a mix of emotional and psychological manipulation and lack of supports that makes it really hard for a person to realize they’re being taken advantage of and to find a way out. One of the most powerful things keeping a person trapped is something called “trauma bonding.”

Trauma bonding is like an invisible emotional tie that forms between two people, even when one person is doing bad things to the other, like harassing, threatening, manipulating, hurting or taking advantage of them. Sometimes people who take advantage of others, also act kind or give gifts, which makes it even more confusing for the person being taken advantage of. These cycles of kindness and abuse can make a person see the good side of the person taking advantage of them. Usually someone who is taking advantage of you has figured out what you want and need, like shelter, food, love, or stability, and is providing those things. This creates a strong connection, both physically and emotionally.

It is important to know that trauma bonding isn’t a sign of being weak or naive. It isn’t your fault if this has happened to you. It is a natural way our brains try to protect us during really tough times. Researchers have compared trauma bonding to things like Battered Women’s Syndrome in domestic violence or Stockholm Syndrome in kidnapping situations. These bonds make it really hard for people to leave exploitative situations, commercial sex, or trafficking. People in these situations are often isolated from their friends, family, and support systems, and often taught through manipulation or negative experiences not to trust the police or other help. Sometimes, the bond is so strong that a person will go back to the person taking advantage of them many times before they can finally break free, even if they have what they need somewhere else. Trauma bonding can also lead to problems like PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

Even though trauma bonding is tough, ties can be broken. If you are ready to leave your situation, or just want to learn more about leaving, visit our Time to Leave page.