Menu
Grooming is when a person tricks or manipulates you into trusting them with the intention of taking advantage of or exploiting you later. In movies, and sometimes on social media trafficking is portrayed as people being kidnapped by strangers. In real life, grooming is much sneakier. It has six stages or steps:
Traffickers look for people who they think show a vulnerability they can take advantage of. A lot of these vulnerabilities stem from things all people want and need, like a good job, a loving relationship, or a supportive community. Traffickers look for people who don’t have these things in their life.
We all have unmet wants and needs in our life. Trying to find ways to meet our wants and needs isn’t a bad thing. Looking for new opportunities and making connections with new people is important. It isn’t your fault if someone tries to target you. To help make yourself less vulnerable, trust your intuition, talk with trusted friends and family members about your interactions with new people, and be wary of any opportunity that sounds too good to be true. You can also read Navigating Social Media and Relationships for more helpful tips.
Traffickers gain trust of the person they are targeting through having conversations and gathering information. You might encounter a trafficker in real life or through social media. Sometimes the person trying to groom you could even be a family member or someone already close to you.
New opportunities and relationships can be exciting. When someone is trying to take advantage of you, they usually don’t reveal that until much later in the relationship. It can be difficult to know if an opportunity or relationship is genuine. We offer you the same advice as before, trust your intuition, talk with trusted friends and family members about your interactions with new people, and be wary of any opportunity that sounds too good to be true. It is a red flag, if someone seems to be trying to get personal or private information from you early in a relationship, especially if they are very persistent.
Traffickers use the information they learned about you to try to manipulate you or make you dependent on them. After they gain your trust, they may try to fill a need, or promise to solve a problem in your life. This might look like, offering a promising job, pretending to be interested in you romantically, or buying you gifts.
When we have problems in our lives it can be tempting to accept help from any source. It can feel great when someone offers a good job opportunity, seems to be the perfect romantic partner we’ve been looking for, or begins solving problems in our lives, like paying rent or buying us things we want or need. There are people out there who really want to help and there are real and genuine resources and opportunities available. At this stage, to help yourself be less vulnerable, try to research and verify what you have been told by this person or about the opportunity. You can look up phone numbers, reviews, and names online. Also, if a business opportunity is legitimate, you can usually find information about it on the internet. It is okay to ask questions, request more information, or ask what things will be expected from you if you accept help.
Traffickers often try to increase the time they spend with the people they target, becoming the primary relationship in their lives. They will use manipulation to distance you from friends, family, and other sources of support. They may tell you that people that care about you are holding you back or don’t understand you. They may interfere with other opportunities for work or relationships.
It is always a red flag when someone tries to become our only source of support or connection. We should be wary of this whether it is a friend, a romantic partner, service provider, or an employer. At this stage it is important to consider what the person is telling you that is making you feel distant or isolated from other sources of support or connection. Is what they are saying really true? New relationships and opportunities can feel like a dream when we are in the honeymoon phase and there haven’t been any problems yet. In contrast, the relationships we have with the people closest to us, can sometimes be complicated and challenging. We might argue or fight with friends and family members or might feel burnt out after working a job for a long time. The people who care about us may talk with us about their concerns over the new relationship or opportunity, which may upset us. At this stage it is important to try to reestablish connection with community. If your friend, romantic partner, service provider, or an employer makes this difficult it is time to consider ending that relationship.
After trust, dependence, and isolation are established, traffickers will often start taking advantage of the people they target. Traffickers might say you owe them for whatever they did to help you. They might pretend like the help they gave you has hurt them financially and ask you for help. They could demand repayment or manipulate you into repayment in the form of sex, labor, or money.
If someone tells you that you owe them, even if they helped you, or ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable for repayment, you do not need to pay them back or help them. At this stage, you are at high risk of becoming trafficked. Depending on the situation and what feels most safe to you, it is time to leave or contact social services or law enforcement for help.
Traffickers use verbal and psychological threats, blackmail, as well as physical violence to manipulate you into continuing to do what they want. The first signs of abuse start to grow worse. At this stage traffickers may threaten to hurt your family or get you deported.
If someone is manipulating you, tricking you, or forcing you to do things to make money for them, you may be experiencing exploitation. Leaving these situations can be complicated and difficult. Visit the Time to Leave page to learn more.
Not everyone online is who they say they are or has good intentions. When you’re scrolling social media, or even gaming, avoid the scammers or suspicious people by asking yourself some questions. These questions can be applied to offline relationships too.
You can empower yourself with these reflective questions to increase your online safety and protect your wellbeing within the realm of social media and digital relationships.
Love Bombing, Fake Accounts Unrealistic Promises, Request for Secrecy, Constant Need for Communication, Request for Personal Information, Inconsistent Stories, Abusive or Threatening Behavior
If you are below 18 years of age or if you have been coerced into engaging in sex work through force, fear, drugs, threats, or to repay a debt, it is crucial to recognize that you may be a victim of a crime. It is important to inform your lawyer if you fall under these circumstances, regardless of your age at the time of exploitation. Your lawyer can advocate for the dismissal of charges and may be able to assist you with any prior charges you may have faced. If you are experiencing fear or require assistance, please reach out to us at our helpline at 850-597-2080 or contact the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888.
Time to Thrive was developed by the Survive & Thrive Advocacy Center in Tallahassee, Florida. We created this site as a resource just for you. No matter where you live, this information is for you.
If you live in Tallahassee or these six North Florida counties (Leon,Gadsden, Jefferson, Liberty, Franklin, and Wakulla) feel free to reach out to us at 850-597-2080. We consider this phone number a warm line. It is not monitored 24/7 like a hotline but we do our best to respond to text and phone calls within 24 hours.
If you live outside of Tallahassee we suggest contacting the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888 or visiting Survive & Thrive Advocacy Center’s Get Help page to find the right resource for you.
Read more about contacting hotlines here.